Well these past few days have been overwhelmingly unreal and confusing. I as a 20 year old shouldnt have to feel the way i do. Its been 3 years since i have felt this uncanny sense of insecurity in the house! I think in my mind i had this just absolute picture that everything was magically going to fix itself and then when i actually think about it, he cant and he wont. You think that life is 10000000 times better when the other one will be home but in reality he isnt going to bring the sun on rainy days he may just infact bring more rainy days. Finding out that this woman, or bitch what ever my mood brings is selfish and doesnt realize shes breaking up a family that was already having their wires stretched too thin. This thought and action makes my stomach hurt from anger. When i realize she talks to him more than me and my sister his own fucking flesh and blood, and to find out hes screwed everything up with my mother who is my whole entire support system and life who i would do anything for. yeah right thats some crock of crap and its not fair anymore. Its starting to make me cold and bitter towards him and almost makes me want to hate him. I shouldnt hate him hes my dad but as of right now hes not really playing that part.... it leaves me broken when i thought i was fixed.
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